Matilda(s) and Stephen … and Henry: Lyrics

Here’s the tale of me, Matilda,
And my fight with cousin Stephen to succeed
Henry first’s throne.

My wife’s also called Matilda,
Quite confusing ’cause we choose to claim
Matilda’s throne as our own.

I’m Henry that Matilda’s son.
You got that?
Here’s the story of our spat.

Starts in 1135, when king Henry, my father, died,
And I think you’ll find named me, Matilda, as his heir.
But his nephew, Stephen, said
That crown should be upon my head!
I’m a man and men come first.
What? It’s only fair.

Had married Geoffrey of Anjou,
Stuck in France not Waterloo.
When Steve without a voulez vous,
Took throne from me.
Should be dancing queen.
Oh stop causing such a scene!

Gimme, gimme crown and take a chance on me,
I’m heir to the throne not you! Ah-ha!
Think you’ll get it back,
Now that I’d like to see!

Oh, I do, I do, I do!

Fought in Lincoln,
She caught me.
Was proclaimed first English Lady.
But she made many enemies.
Remember me? I’m Stephens wife.

Made royal councilors agree,
That she lacked femininity.
Took Stephens army and besieged her.
Eugh! More strife!

I was trapped so faked my death!
Hid in coffin, held my breath.
You think that I’m impressed?
Well I’m not.
Just look who I’ve got,
Your half brother, want to swap?

Gimme, gimme hubby and we’ll fight again.
The winner takes it all. Ah-ha!
In Oxford I’ll besiege,
And I’ll escape and then,
I’ll join the battle call.

Age 14, I fought but lost,
So Uncle Stephen stayed as boss.
Who should be ruler, mamma? Mia!
Here we go again.

Sadly my darling Matilda,
Caught a fever and it killed her.
I gave up my dream
To build a royal dynasty.
When my son died,
Had no heir which was a bind.

Gimme, gimme crown ’cause next in line it’s me.
You can have it when I’m done. Ah-ha!
So Empress Matilda never did make queen.
The throne went to my son.

Knowing Mum, knowing you.
Everybody happy? Good!