Fairy cakes, baby ducks. Warm winter mittens.
Snowflakes on puppies, and cute cuddly kittens.
One of these might be your favourite thing.
But not me – its scary, that makes me go zing!
Smallpox and scurvy, and fatal diseases.
Lesions and lurgy, I like to hear wheezes.
Of bogies and poo, I just can’t get enough.
Yes, that’s just a bit of my favourite stuff.
Things that go bump in the night.
I love that stuff, that gives you a fright.
Emperor Vitellius, being dumped in Rome’s Sewers.
Brandings with iron for Tudor wrongdoers.
Aztecs with thousands of skulls on a rack.
Amateur executions, Hack, hack, hack, hack!
Pharaohs all buried with their bottom wiper.
Roman deodorant made from a viper.
Burke and Hare stealing from Edinburgh’s graves.
Yes, these are a few of my personal faves.
Do I prefer pustules or boils? Hm…
Some of my best friends look like gargoyles.
William the Conqueror’s exploding body.
A gutsy performance, a funeral most oddy.
Ivan the Terrible stealing a bishop’s togs.
Sowed him in bear skins and let out the dogs…
When I’m feeling just a bit miz.
Standing at death’s door.
I simply remember what makes people barf, and then I just laugh.