The Truth About Richard III: Song & Lyrics

I was sure that you’d love me
To that hope, I did cling
‘Cause I’m… Richard the third
And… Everybody loves a king!

Thought I did a good job
Why do you disagree?
There’s a lot of people
Spreading nasty rumors ’bout me
Every word is a lie
So I’m singing this song
‘Cause the history books
Have been telling it wrong!

I Never had a limp
Always walked my full height
Never had a hump

And my arm was all right
Never took the crown
With the ilegal power
Never killed my nephews
The princes in the tower
Tudor propaganda
It’s all absurd
Time to tell the truth
‘Bout King Richard the third

My brother Edward, died
His kids too young to rule
So… I took the throne
Why not? I’m nobody’s fool!

Thomas More wrote a history
Said I’d murdered Edward’s boys
Shakespeare said their death
Was an evil ploy
But I say those two
Are historical vandals!
They’ve ruined my image!
I mean, what a scandal!

Never bumped off
Those harmless young heirs
Never buried them
Under the Tower of London stairs

Never poisoned my wife
Bumped off her daddy
This is me, sweet Richard
Do I look like a baddy?
Never was two-faced
Sure you’ll agree
I was misunderstood
King Richard three

Can you imagine it?
I’m the last Plantagenet
Beaten by Henry
In the Wars of the Roses
The Tudor dynasty
Didn’t care that much for me
Now I’m painted as a baddy
That’s why one supposes… (continues while next verse is sang)

Never forget
When you hear of my crimes
Never drowned my brother
In a massive vat of wine
Never said ‘a horse!
My kingdom for a horse
! ‘
Who made that up?
Why, William Shakespeare, of course!

Now my tale is told
You won’t hear a bad word
About a special ruler
King Richard the third
Arg it’s a wasp it’s a wasp