King John VS The Barons: Magna Carta Rap Battle & Lyrics

These are the rough words from Series 6 Episode 1. Anything in Italics are lyrics we are not 100% sure are correct.

W-w-where to start, which part?

We’ve got so many grievances we could fill a cart!

Let’s start with some facts, like tax!

There so heavy that their gonna break our back!

We can’t pay, there’s no chance,

we lost all our money when you lost France-the Norman bit anyway!


I’m confused-is this real?

I though I was the King, I’m holding his seal!

Kneel to the King, I’ll see you grovel in the grind

I’ll tax what I like, I’ll even tax this rhyme.


Barons don’t grovel, it’s time to get real

List to me dog or you’re gonna feel some steel!

This charter’s tight, we don’t need to fight

Just hit it with your seal and give us our rights!


We want a council to represent which people,

We want a free church with a free steeple,

We want you to stop stealing our sons

And holding them hostage like you have done.


There’s vital stuff here that you’ve gotta give us,

There’s also some stuff about fishing in the rivers.

So stop! Read what we bleed, agree the deed at Runnymede,

Do what we ask or we’re gonna make you bleed!


(Yawn) Yeah, I hear what you say

If I don’t tread gently then my lacker will be plagued,

So tell me what to do-you’re the boss-

Except we’ll have to do this later ‘cos I’m taking up the cross.


Hang on a minute-you must think we’re barmy,

While you’re talking here you’re hurrying up an army,

So how about this, let’s barter,

We’ll stay loyal if you agree to Magna Carta!


Whatever dog, I’ll agree your skanky scroll,

I’m tired of this game and it’s time for me to roll.

I ain’t bothered, it don’t fill me with sorrow,

And no-one will even remember this tomorrow

Plus a message with the Pope and he’ll ignore this thing-

We’ll do things my way ‘cos I’m John and I’m the King!